On the Big Board |
| Position |
Staff |
In Brief |
| 82/98 |
David Mumpower |
The CGI kitty and the lead actress' contact lens are the only highlights of the movie. I'm not even kidding. |
| 189/196 |
Max Braden |
Laughably anachronistic, but it's interesting how similar to Apocalypto it is. |
It's been a long time since there was a good movie about prehistoric times. Let's see, there was 1981's Caveman with Ringo Starr and Shelley Long. And 1,000,000 Years B.C., starring Raquel Welch and half a bikini. And who can forget The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas? Alan Cumming in green paint? Anyone?
Okay, so there's never been a really good movie about prehistoric times. Roland Emmerich hopes to change that with 10,000 B.C., the latest entry in the attractive-people-smeared-with-mud genre.
Leading the attractive people is the ridiculously handsome Steven Strait, the fire-shooter with rebel bangs in Sky High and the prettiest of the pretty boys in The Covenant. Strait plays a young hunter who must fend off woolly mammoths and saber-toothed tigers as he tries to save his tribe and rescue his girlfriend. His kidnapped love interest is Camilla Belle, from When a Stranger Calls and The Quiet. Since "speaking words convincingly" does not appear to be one of Ms. Belle's strengths, maybe this role will suit her a little better.
It's been a good three years since Emmerich had a hit with the ridiculous Day After Tomorrow, and nearly ten since Godzilla burnt moviegoers everywhere. He doesn't work much, though I don't think anyone will confuse him with Terrence Malick. Emmerich is known for big, expensive movies, like Independence Day, that have big, expansive casts. With 10,000 B.C., clearly the spectacle is meant to be the star, as none of the actors is a draw (even with co-star Omar Sharif's rabid bridge following). Emmerich managed to catch Jake Gyllenhaal on the rise, and he's probably hoping to do the same with Strait, though, at least so far, it doesn't seem like Strait has the same chops.
So, at least all the money should be onscreen. Still, this is a pretty risky movie for Warner Bros., and I'm sure someone there is wishing 10,000 B.C. could find some room for a wide-eyed squirrel and an elusive acorn. (Shane Jenkins/BOP)
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