Not every film is Casablanca. In point of fact, most of them are much closer in tone to Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. This is the sad reality of our existence, and no one realizes it more than Roger Ebert. This is why BOP was amused and impressed when the elder statesman of movie criticism wrote a column stating that during his recent illness, he was surprised by one touching event. Comedian Rob Schneider - the "making copies" guy - had been a constant target of Ebert's razor sharp wit, and for good reason. Despite this, Schneider sent the sick man a lovely bouquet of flowers and a card indicating that he looked forward to the day that Ebert could go back to treating him like seasoned meat on a grill.
Given this unexpected display of self-awareness and decency by Schneider, BOP will forgo innumerable opportunities for mockery here and play the Big Stan write-up straight. This film, Schneider's directorial debut, tells the everyday story of a tiny criminal coming to terms with his likely fate the day he is finally incarcerated. In this case, the titular character is not going to take the inevitable horrors of dropping soap in the shower as a fait accompli.
Big Stan sets out to become a kung fu master, a warrior capable of deflecting any would-be man-on-man rape taking place at his future residence, the state penitentiary. That's right, folks. Rob Schneider, the comic relief from 1993 action film Demolition Man, has been upgraded to butt-kicking rape preventer. In a humorous bit of casting, Kung Fu star David Carradine, killed Bill himself, portrays the wizened martial arts master who guides Stan in the ways of the warrior. So successful is the teaching that when Stan arrives at the big house, he becomes a cult hero due to his ability to prevented unwelcome yet premeditated sodomy. He's like a red state voter yet also a prison enforcer.
Look, folks, it is what it is. Given that Schneider's last three movies earned a combined $115 million, Big Stan should not be discounted as a potential box office draw. Then again, given that the similarly themed 2006 release, Let's Go to Prison, earned only $4.6 million, we probably shouldn't worry about it becoming another The Benchwarmers. (David Mumpower/BOP)
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