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Pop quiz, men and sexually progressive women! Who would you come home to at night: Glenn Close or Nicole Kidman? Faith Hill or Bette Midler? Anyone who has ever seen Fatal attraction or Bette Midler knows the easy answers here. What we have, then, is a movie for you.

Stepford wives is a re-make of the Stepford films a generation ago that told the story of a town where transgressers are sent away for "re-education" of a sort. Some cosmetic surgery seems to be involved as well. The purpose of the changes is to turn your deeply flawed spouse into the mate of your dreams.

I know that many of you are thinking that Stepford sounds wonderful and you would like to move there. Before you hit Google and Mapquest, though, keep in mind that such thoughts are only marginally above actual cuckolding and/or divorce. In short, I am telling the Republican National Party on you, Cheater.

In the fantasy realm of Stepford, though, such behavior is not considered wrong. Instead, the progressive town council considers the law to be unclear with regards to such tricky subject matter as brainwashing and virtual-zombification of significant others. And who are we to judge them for it?

We all probably agree on the fact that it would suck to live there, especially if you had recently moved there from a less *ahem* structured part of the world. Enter Joanna, an impossibly pretty Nicole Kidman-type. She and her dorky husband (think: an emasculated Mr. Sarah Jessica Parker-type rather than an adult Ferris Beuller) have just moved their family to Stepford.

While there, they begin to notice some strange behavior from the other wives. Joanna's one normal new friend, Bobbie (Wind Beneath My Midler), suggests that they investigate the situation. When they do, they are shocked to discover a society of robotic clone women eerily similar to the fembots from Austin Powers. Since Kidman clearly has it stipulated in her contract that she must be the avatar of femininity in any of her movies, this situation simply will not stand. Joanna and Bobbie set out to return the town to normalcy before they get turned into sexbots themselves.

Stepford Wives is at heart a movie about an entire society of soccer moms and their SUV-driving spouses. If ever there were a construct of class hierarchy that deserved a solid throttling, it would be this group. That makes Stepford Wives must-see entertainment.

PS: I sincerely apologize for putting the image of a Bette Midler sexbot in your heads. (David Mumpower/BOP)

Vital statistics for Stepford Wives Main Cast Nicole Kidman, Matthew Broderick Supporting Cast Bette Midler, Glenn Close, Christopher Walken, Faith Hill, Mike White, Roger Bart, Jon Lovitz, Matt Malloy, Lorri Bagley, Colleen Dunn Director Frank Oz Screenwriter Paul Rudnick Distributor Paramount Trailer Click Here for Trailer Official Site http://www.stepfordwivesmovie.com/ Rating PG-13 Running Time 90 minutes Screen Count 3,057 Talent in red has entry in The Big Picture

Comparison films for Stepford Wives
Title	Date	Opening	Adjusted Opening	Screens	PSA	Adj PSA	Total BO	Adjusted Total	Mult
Score, The	7/13/01	19.02	20.30	2129	8933.00	9170.2	71.07	75.85	3.74
Bowfinger	8/13/99	18.06	21.52	2706	6674.00	7619.9	66.37	79.09	3.67
In and Out	9/19/97	15.02	19.73	1992	7540.00	9527.7	63.84	83.86	4.25
Moulin Rouge	6/1/01	13.72	14.64	2279	6019.00	6178.8	57.22	61.07	4.12
Practical Magic	10/16/98	13.10	16.84	2652	4940.00	6109.2	46.81	60.18	3.57
What about Bob?	5/17/91	9.22	13.20	1463	6302.00	8682.1	63.55	91.02	6.89
To Die For	10/6/95	6.23	8.63	928	6713.00	8950.7	21.10	29.24	3.27
S1m0ne (Simone)	8/23/02	3.81	3.96	1920	1986.00	1986.0	9.68	10.06	2.54